having almost no one left in holland

it is over, i am an orphan. no daddy, no mommy. all i have left is a house which i cannot keep,  my two lovely cousins twice removed and my childhood friend. i am not counting other family all twice or more removed, they are not in my life. when my mother told me she was ill in february 2011 one of my first thoughts was 'if you go, what will i do? you are my great support and my connection to holland'. the poor thing was hospitalized for almost 5 months and in august 2011 she finally found her resting place. during this time i flew more then usual to holland. i have always had a lot of homesickness. i just like holland more than switzerland. but since big love will not move up north, i am stuck here. i told him, if i would have known ahead how i feel now, i would never have left my country of birth. when i go back now, like last week, i enjoy being there more then before. it is as if i would go there for the last time and i have to take in every thing as it would be the last time. i know that my country will be my country for always, even if things change. and change  is not always for the worse. i will just look forward and see what the future will bring me.