TALKING WITH MY YOUNGEST SON
i have to drive my youngest son to school, which takes us a long 45 minutes, he almost always has an argument to dive into. the other day he asked about matrimony. he always chooses difficult things to talk about, where i think 'can't we just discuss the weather or family activities?'. so the other day it was matrimony. 'why do you have to pay to be married?'. 'because someone has to write papers'. 'how many papers?' 'one or two.'. 'why does that cost so much?'. 'i don't know, someone wants to get rich?'. 'can't you do it for free?'. 'i don't think so'. then we got to talk about marriage. and i was very upfront to him. i said for a man, as i see it, it is a big mistake. i see to many couples around me where there is a divorce and then the man totally has to give up the possibility of creating another life for himself. he has to pay not only for the children, which ofcourse should be the case, but also for the wife. and the dear man has nothing left to make a 'new life' with. you might know these women who will tell the judge that they have to take care of children who are already overripe. she doesn't want to lift a finger, because he once loved her, and she probably loved him, and they promised to be together in good times and in bad, so now he has to pay. ofcourse there are many men who misbehaved and the woman has a good reason to divorce. but there are also situations where two persons just don't work enough to try and work things out. and then 'boom,we'll divorce'. i probably had sex with too many men, but it seems like i found the right one(we'll see in another 30 years:). my dear old granny said to me once "if you go to the market to buy fruit, don't turn to the first fruitstall, but go around and see what there is and try which one sells the best fruit". for a 90 year old she was very forward. where i live now, maybe everywhere it's like that, i see people who get together at the tender age of between 15 and 18 and stay together forever(whatever that means). it seems that there is the big search for the one, and when some person who seems a bit more interested arrives, 'trackate'(a ticinese dialect expression) we are a couple and won't get seperated. i just don't get it. maybe because i am DUTCH and we might have a different view, more relaxed and more open. surely also lots of dutch people are young loves forever, but some are more open to possibilities. the point i just wanted to get across to my boy was 'don't get married because you might get fried'. i don't want my son to have to suffer a mistake he might make for the rest of his life. his father and i live together for 15 years, we don't have any piece of paper to prove that we are a couple, and the day we might separate we'll see whatever comes. i want my son the be without burdens. in the world (ticino) where we live i see to many women who profit from a divorce, not being 'big enough' to take the opportunity to fend for themselves, most of them are like parasites, taking everything there is to take. i will see in a couple of years if the talk we had remained in his memory or if he does it the way he wants to. i just don't want him to get hurt.
